What Did You Do For Fun On The Weekend, Johnny?

This is the favorite joke I heard at the Get Motivated seminar on Monday. I believe Rudy Giuliani was talking about integrity when he told the story.

A first grade teacher told her class on Friday afternoon to have some fun on the weekend, and to remember what that fun was because on Monday they would each have a turn to tell what they did for fun on the weekend.

When they all assembled in class on Monday morning, the teacher began to ask students what they had done for fun and each one told their story in turn. When she got to Johnny, she asked him what he had done for fun. He said "My father and I went fishing, we caught 75 catfish and each of them weighed 75 pounds." The teacher said, "Johnny, this is not a time for make believe this is a time for telling what you did for fun on the weekend."

Johnny said, "We went fishing, we caught 75 catfish and each weighed 75 pounds." The teacher told Johnny, "now that's just not possible, and I want you to quit telling stories and tell us what he really did this weekend." Johnny repeated his proclamation. In exasperation the teacher said, "Johnny, if I told you on the weekend I was in my yard and a big grizzly bear came into my yard was about to attack me, but a big yellow dog came and grabbed that grizzly bear by the nose and slammed him to the ground on one side and then slammed into the ground on the other side and when he let him go that grizzly bear ran away. Would you believe that, Johnny?"

Johnny said, "Yes Ma'am. That was my yeller dog!"

God's Newest Letter!!!!!!!!!!!!

One day God decided he wanted to write a letter to all his children that were misbehaving and mistreating one another. He wanted to let them know they were jeopardizing their eternal home in heaven. So he asked one of his angels to go to earth and make a list of all those who needed to get the warning letter.

The angel was gone for a long time, and when he returned he was in very bad shape, bloodied and bruised and broken wings. He reported that the list was so long that perhaps it would be better to send a letter to those who were obedient and striving to love their neighbors. God agreed.

So he sent another angel to collect the names of those who should receive that letter. The angel was only gone for a short time and came back in good condition. He presented the list to God. God took it and wrote the letter, and do you know what it said?

The New Letter From God!

One day God decided he wanted to write a letter to all his children that were misbehaving and mistreating one another. He wanted to let them know they were jeopardizing their eternal home in heaven. So he asked one of his angels to go to earth and make a list of all those who needed to get the warning letter.

The angel was gone for a long time, and when he returned he was in very bad shape, bloodied and bruised and broken wings. He reported that the list was so long that perhaps it would be better to send a letter to those who were obedient and striving to love their neighbors. God agreed.

So he sent another angel to collect the names of those who should receive that letter. The angel was only gone for a short time and came back in good condition. He presented the list to God. God took it and wrote the letter, and do you know what it said?

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Description of A Church Staff!

Yesterday as I was cleaning out my desk when I found an old yellowed sheet of paper with a description of a church office staff . Here it is.

Pulpit Minister: able to leap tall buildings in a single bound; more powerful than a locomotive; faster than a speeding bullet; walks on water.

Associate Minister: able to leap short buildings in a single bound; powerful as a switch engine; just as fast as a speeding bullet; walks on water if the sea is calm.

Education Minister: Leaps short buildings with a running start; almost as powerful as a switch engine; faster than a speeding BB; walks on water if he knows where the stumps are.

Youth Minister: bumps into buildings; powerful as a 10 speed bicycle; faster than a speeding ping-pong ball; is afraid of water.

Secretary: leaps buildings to walk under them; kicks locomotives off the track; it's a speeding bullets in her teeth; freezes water with a single glance.

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